There’s something about driving at night. The warmth of the heater…. Wait, back up. There’s something about riding in a car at night. The heater on, but only turned to the lowest setting. Being comfortable in your seat and feeling completely safe, knowing where you’re going but not being worried about when you will get there. That’s what He enjoyed the most.
He remembered being 10 years old, riding in the back seat of his parent’s truck. A brand new dog bed for their black Labrador, who was undoubtedly waiting for them at the front door of their home, sat between him and his younger brother. He was “sleeping” on it, well day dreaming…. at night. Anyway it was nice, he was safe, everyone he loved was OK, and he knew he would get where he was going even though he didn’t know when, and his dog would be there.
That feeling isn’t hard to recreate, and he felt it tonight. Driving, well, riding in the car at night. This time it was with a girl. She was cute, that’s not right, well it is right but let’s explore further. They had driven together at night before, that’s what they did together. She worked across the street from him, and to be more specific he could see into the windows of a few rooms at a retirement home where she worked. He also knew her from high school, but not well enough.
On one of these drives they discussed what it meant to be attractive. He considered there to be four options when describing how someone can appear attractive. She was interested. He told her that there were four ways of being attractive. They are: Beautiful, Pretty, Hot, and Cute. He explained that in his mind neither was any more or less complimentary than the others. Also none were capable of being derogatory, perhaps Sexy is a better word than Hot. He also explained that they can all be applied to one person in varying amounts depending on the situation. What he didn’t explain is where she fell on this scale.
He thought she was cute, with a hidden dash of Sexy and right behind that a touch of Beautiful. Now this isn’t to say she wasn’t beautiful. She had dark hair, dimples, and the ability to laugh genuinely at everything he said, as long as he said it correctly.
He laughed and she laughed, and they talked about things that are only spoken about between two people. He would tell her things and She would explain things back to him. They both looked forward to these… things. Sometimes the drives would end close to sunrise. He would get out of the car say goodbye and walk inside. She would drive away.
Even at this point he would want to kiss her, but he was torn inside. If he could kiss her than their relationship wouldn’t be the way it was. He would walk into his room, early in the morning, crawl into bed. Then He would look at his door, a small daydream, hope, maybe even a wish. An image of Her walking back in the door. He would ask what was wrong and She would tell him that she just couldn’t hide it any more. He would hug her and look at her, and they would both understand. Than they would kiss, a first kiss. Not for either of them, but together a first kiss. It wouldn’t feel right because it wouldn’t feel like any other kiss. It would be a first kiss but it would feel as if they had been kissing for decades. A first kiss would have the power of a lifetime behind it, and the feel that can only come from truly listening and knowing someone, from seeing them and knowing that a kiss will never come.
But if it did.